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If programming languages were "Game of Thrones" characters

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Mitch Pronschinske Senior Editor and Content Manager, HashiCorp
 

Creating a programming language is a bold quest for dominion. If you write a language, you're going to want a lot of people to use it, right? It’s not so different from the conquest sought by the characters in the “Game of Thrones” series on HBO. 

James Gosling, the creator of Java, knows this. When he talks about Java, he likes to brag about the billions of machines running the code. And about how Twitter, Netflix, and many other dominant web properties use his language heavily. He counts every Android phone, every Blu-ray disc player, and every version of the Java virtual machine. He reminds all of the programmer knights that their loyalty to the Java empire pays their wages. 

In honor of this month's season premiere of "The Game of Thrones," (season six) here are some comparisons I've made between various programming languages and the show's characters. 

Java

Daenerys Targaryen is Java

She surrounds herself with a great ecosystem of advisors and is popular for freeing those enslaved in the past, as Java freed users from Microsoft. Many viewers want her to end up as queen of Westeros, and like Java, she has the support system to achieve world conquest.

JavaScript

Tyrion Lannister is JavaScript

His popularity is huge among viewers, but the people of King’s Landing mistrust him and criticize some of his seemingly strange physical traits. He certainly has some bad parts and doesn’t always do the nice thing, but he’s clever and innovative.

HBO / via credit

C

Tywin Lannister is C

He’s pretty dead now, but his legacy lives on. More than anyone in the series, he knew how to get things done and understood everything going on beneath the surface. C is the kind of the language you'd use to write a program that helps you skin a huge lion you just shot with a crossbow while lecturing your son about family tradition. Old school.

C++ 

Cersei Lannister is C++

A very powerful but more horrifying version of C. Sometimes it just generates a big ol' mess. Cersei is the same.

HBO / via credit

C#

Margaery Tyrell is C#

She's as ambitious and as cunning as Java. She wants to rule, but not in the same way as Daenerys. She chooses to rule from behind the scenes. She’s opening up and helping the people because it’s in her best interests.

PHP

Bronn is PHP

A lovable rogue who's very popular with viewers. He gets things done by any means necessary. It’s often not pretty or elegant.

HBO / via credit

Ruby

Melisandre is Ruby

Sometimes she shows off powerful magic. Although, it seems that she can’t deliver on all her prophecies. She’s been known to lure people in with her beauty and then suddenly ruin everything.

Python

Brienne of Tarth is Python

A noble knight who believes in the purity and honor of whitespace, she has a strong fan base and is very good at a few particular tasks. Namely dueling.

SQL

Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish is SQL

This character is always behind the scenes, keeping track of everything. He’s very good with numbers and accounting. Money and knowledge are his weapons of choice. In times of chaos, people come to him. Chaos is a ladder.

HBO / via credit

Go

Olenna Tyrell is Go

Though many don't pay attention to her, she’s just as cunning and adept at the game as Tywin Lannister.

Swift

Arya Stark is Swift

Arya is an up-and-coming character that’s absolutely killing it right now. She may be open source now, but she’s still a Stark.

Perl 5

Sandor “The Hound” Clegane is Perl 5 (because Perl 6 is a new language in a lot of ways)

He ain’t pretty, but he's pretty skilled at what he does. He got knocked off a cliff, but you didn't see him die, did you?  

HBO / via credit

R

Samwell Tarly is R

He’s not an all-purpose character, but he’s great at reading a lot of books and gaining helpful insights.

Scala

Davos Seaworth is Scala

He always gives great advice because he has a very different way of viewing the world. But some people just don’t get him.

Clojure

Jaqen H'ghar is Clojure

He’s such a mixture of things and changes faces so often, you don’t know who he really is. Apparently he’s no one, and that makes him powerful.

Rust

Bran Stark is Rust

He's still young but has incredible potential. He might be a king when it’s all said and done, once he takes flight.

HBO / via credit

Objective-C

Jaime Lannister is Objective-C

He was the darling of King’s Landing for a while, but now that he’s lost his edge (see hand). Now that Swift has stolen the spotlight from Objective-C, there’s not much joy left in his life.

HBO / via credit

Visual Basic

Joffrey Baratheon (Lannister really) is Visual Basic

Thankfully, he’s dead now.

COBOL

Robert Baratheon is COBOL

He was powerful at one time, but now he’s dead.

Fortran

Viserys Targaryen is Fortran

He's super-dead. Didn't even make it through the first season. That's how dead.

Any other languages you'd like to draw comparisons with? Do you think another language is a better fit for one of the characters mentioned here?

Check out our other "Game of Thrones" themed posts this week:

25 "Game of Thrones" characters and their best fit for roles in a tech company

5 times agile could have saved "Game of Thrones" characters

Image credit: Flickr

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